Piper has had a series of weird near death experiences… such as poking her own eye out, and choking to death on food while laughing at me which she’s done ATLEAST 4 times. She’s no longer allowed to eat food and talk to me at the same time.

I used to make fun of her quite regularly for nearly offing herself in such weird ways and then one day… a ceiling fan fell down and nearly chopped off my head. I don’t make fun of Piper anymore.

She’s the devil.